I admit that it is nearly impossible to call, but in the end, how does Meatloaf not win? Even against Celine Dion. Look:
This is exactly how Cat and I met, except without all the lesbians (and the subsequent mirror-breaking), but definitely with the me being a monster and then there being a police detective in glasses and then we were riding off into the sunset. Also, however old I was when I first saw this, all I remembered was the lesbians. So awesome.
But then there's Meatloaf covering Celine Dion. So I guess he answered the bell:
Just kidding. That is the worst.
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