Tequila in his heartbeat.

I only update this when it's important.




(If you can't understand Sebastian Bach, who seems truly broken up about what happened to Ricky by the end, you can get the lyrics here.)

First of all, Ricky looks like he was awesome to hang out with. Second of all, the scenes where Ricky is shooting bottles -- even in the air! -- are just as incredible as I remember.

Goin' a'travelin'

Sorry that it has been so long since we last updated. Shortly after the husband's last day of school, we set off on a leisurely jaunt to North Carolina. We planned to stop in Roanoke for the evening, giving us plenty of time to take random exits and stop whenever we needed to. One of our stops led to us to Gamestop, where Marcus purchased many games for Justin's long awaited return. Later, we stopped at a vineyard in the Shenandoah Valley for our first wine tasting. The woman helping us was really sweet, and we purchased bottles of wine for all the people we would be visiting with on our two week-long journey.

On our way back to the highway from the vineyard (after sitting in our car for a good twenty minutes eating rice cakes, waiting for the buzz to wear off), we saw an improbable sight in the parking lot of the CVS. The one, the only Pikachu Car!!! Marcus flipped out with joy. Apparently there is someone else in the world who wanted that car as much as he did when it was being offered as a prize in a contest. When we got back on the highway, and we were chatting about the awesome twist of fate that this car not only existed but had been in our same location at the same time, it whizzed past us!

I sped up to follow him, and Marcus was able to get this photograph (hopefully without the driver of the car feeling like he was being tailgated). The license plate "LVL 100" got him really hard. But how is that design for a car? Can he drive it around without it being vandalized?

The rest of our drive to NC was much less eventful.

We stayed with my parents, visited with Josh and Heidi, and hung out at Lee and Katie's quite a bit. On the 4th of July, we picked up Jenny and Reagan early in the morning so that they could go to the Kernersville parade with Zoe. All the girls were incredibly well-behaved, and they racked up huge bags full of candy. Here are some of the shining examples of how to celebrate in Kernersville:






































































After the parade, the girls had a fashion show and played on the Slip'n'Slide at my parents' house. Mid-afternoon, we went back to Lee and Katie's and played with fireworks. I've never seen Marcus more giddy.

We left the next morning for Nashville. En route, we stopped to buy more fireworks (for Justin's return and next year's 4th of July). That evening, we stopped for dinner at Marcus' friend Lauren's house. It was my first time meeting Lauren and her husband, Hank, but they made us feel comfortable immediately. Their little girl, Lottie, was beautiful and healthy. She was a smart and happy baby. It made us want to have bobbins of our own, but there is no time for that, right now.

After visiting Lauren and Hank, we headed down to Mississippi to visit Marcus' mom. It was great to see her, even if Mississippi is the hottest place on earth, plagued by mosquitoes. There was a little guest house where we stayed, and the property was absolutely gorgeous. The county where Josie lives is extremely poor, and while the farms were beautiful, the shacks and broken down trailers really brought home the fact that there are people in our own country who live below poverty level. Living in Westchester County, we don't see that very often. It motivated us to continue to work to help other people. It was great to see Josie and her new dog, Buck, who is one of the biggest dogs that I have ever seen. And as Marcus would want me to point out with this picture that I took-- we had a sighting of Bigfoot.
On the way back from Mississippi, we stopped two nights to break up the long drive. We bought more fireworks and drove through both of the towns where we were born (Crossville, TN and Pulaski, VA). By the end of the trip, after I had been driving 7 to 9 hours a day for 6 days, my nerves were shot (as it had been raining pretty much every day, and Marcus doesn't do well in the rain). In the final hours of the drive, we hit a ton of traffic, which led to me screaming obscenities and flying the bird to every other car we passed. It was a fun day. But, now we are home, and though we have no air conditioning, it is good to be back in our apartment. We are looking forward to seeing Justin this week some time, and we plan to go back to NC to visit Lee and Katie again while Charlotte is there. Hopefully, I won't have to drive...

Game, set, match: America.

I just got an email telling me about an attempt to leave a comment on one of the very first posts on this ridiculous little blog: the one about animals that are not real animals. Two comments, actually:

fluffybunny has left a new comment on your post "Animals that are not real animals.":

Yeah, pandas are not real all right. That's just a lot of hungry people chowing down on thousands of pounds of bamboo each year. They must really need their fiber or something. I mean talk about keeping a hoax going, they must have a real great fan base. It's amazing that they have had enough volunteers to walk around in panda suits for the last ohh.... 1,000 years or so. That right there is total committment. I mean it's a good thing stupid people like you are about one in a billion. I can't imagine what the world would be like if someone like you was running it.

Okay, then:

1) fluffybunny?
2) Are you kidding?

But he (she?) wasn't done. Almost immediately, he realized there was more I didn't know about pandas:

fluffybunny has left a new comment on your post "Animals that are not real animals.":

Yeah that's right. That there is just a person in a panda suit chowing down on some yummy bamboo. I mean they must really like bamboo, eating about 1,000 pounds a year to keep this hoax going. Talk about devotion. They must really need some serious fiber to be keeping up with this gig. Not to mention they are an icredibly loyal fanbase. To think that they have kept this thing going for ohh... what's it been like a thousand years or more. Let me tell you I can't believe the condition these suits are in. I mean they are like pristine. You'd think they would be hanging on by threads. The is just completely unbelievable that you have crack the case on this whole panda thing. Whoa talk about one smart cookie. Thank you for showing me the light on this one buddy.

Seriously? You got me.

Now, in my excitement over fluffybunny, I went to the post about animals and found four more comments from people who have never experienced irony. Here's the first gem:

kiki said...

what a dumbass mother fucking liar! i know that u dont like them and u ppl to shoot them!

February 26, 2008 9:07 PM

Wait -- I'm lying about the robot baby pandas and demon howler monkeys? In order to shoot them? I'm confused. Maybe the next one makes more sense:

kiki said...

U GUYS R A MOTHER FUCKING ASS IN THE VAGINA! FUCK U DICKS WITH SHIT I YO U VAGINAS!

February 26, 2008 9:08 PM

Yes! That one does make more sense! Also, what happened in that one minute, kiki? Did you re-read the post about animals that aren't real animals and decide that you'd had it with people calling pandas not-real? And you were by God going to let me know that I am an ass in the vagina. I can have no comeback to that.

Except that here is your blog and yes, you have done it. You have made all the dreams come true. Everyone's. Walking on Sunshine. Yes.

Next comment on the post:

lolnerds said...

stupid nerds....that panda cant be a person in a suit the eyes are too spread apart and the baby panda has no remote behind it....stop being jerks....i do agree with the fox or wolf or whatever cuz it looks like a statue....stupid idiots

February 26, 2008 11:16 PM

I like so much that it was the lack of remote that cleared up the baby panda for lolnerds. Almost as much as I like the agreement that the Tibetan fox is not real. Clearly, the baby panda is the not-realest. And the guy in the panda suit just has a hard time seeing through the eyes that are too spread apart; that's why pandas move around so infrequently. lolnerds! Come on!

Something else to say, lolnerds?

lolnerds said...

get a life

February 26, 2008 11:16 PM

I stand defeated. By America. And the Internet.

Sad news

Today is my birthday (which is exciting), but I just found out that my grandfather is dying. So Marcus and I will be flying out to Oklahoma in the next week or two. Please keep us (and our family on my dad's side) in your thoughts... We are extremely lucky to have such a close knit and supportive family and circle of friends. We love you all very much.

Huh?

Well, I think we are doing a fantastic job updating this thing. Sometimes, isn't everybody like, "Please! No more minutiae! Take a break already!" They are!

Here's why the world is going straight to Hell:

#1: The GOP is supremely evil and just as stupid, but neither quality has turned off the completely retarded America we know and love (second poll on the page).

#2: This girl is obviously a different kind of retarded, but she's not the fringe aberration we'd both wish for; she's a new breed of ignorant, entitled idiots who can't figure out why a dress like this would keep her out of prom. (Sorry, no links for that -- just a growing list of anecdotes from my daily teaching!)

#3: And exactly when did the term MILF become mainstream? I guess I don't care if 30 Rock wants to parody it, because they got it: It's demeaning to women. Way to go, Jodi Lipper and Cerina Vincent. Way to retard women some more.

Huh?

Threw a fractal on a breaking wall.

Today I discovered a mix CD in the car with "Christmas?" written on it. That's it, just "Christmas?" in my handwriting. We threw it in the CD player while we were driving around, and pretty soon I realized that, while I have no memory of making this CD, it might be the best one I ever put together.

Here is a screenshot of the iTunes playlist, which we put together as soon as we got home:



Crazy -- I guess this is why it was a "Christmas?" album. Clearly Crazy is a Christmas song, just not in the usual way. When this song starts, by the way, your butt always clenches a little bit, because you know you're about to get punched in your intestines with feelings. Seal's feelings.

Tear in Your Hand -- Tori Amos has never had a unique way of pronouncing all of her words. "Unique" meaning "these are no longer words."

Stranger in Moscow -- Every time I stumble across an unlabeled mix CD, there's a good chance this song is on it. And I know it's there when a track has no sound for 25 seconds. Michael Jackson needed 25 seconds to relax before starting on the most epic description of existential isolation ever committed to song. Think about it: "Stalin's tomb won't let me be." Only that line has six or seven extra syllables in it. Syllables of feeling.

Gz and Hustlas -- I like to play these songs around my wife and remind her that I grew up on gangsta rap. When a line like "How many hos in '94 will I be banging?" comes up, and I am delivering it right along with Snoop, I like to imagine what thoughts are going through her head. Because I know they are love thoughts.

Sea Lion -- I just wish Sage Francis was good at his job. This is garbage.

Be Our Guest -- Because this is the logical follow-up to Snoop and Sage Francis. And the logical precursor to Italian pop. And because everything about Beauty and the Beast is awesome, especially Lee's favorite line, which happens at 4:28 below (although there's a sync problem with the audio): Gaston's incredible delivery of "Please let me through!" Gaston delivers every line in a way that I can't believe.

(My favorite part is at 2:30, when Belle sings about her favorite part. Because I am sometimes a 12-year-old girl. Wait, what?)



Una Favola -- This is a pretty song with a pretty video.

Daedel's Organ -- What do you know about looping a minute of music into a 60-minute mix CD, Justin? And it being the single greatest mix CD ever? I want so badly to have this be my ringtone, but I can't figure it out. So I just sing it whenever the phone rings.

There are some winners after that, but basically:

Sitting on the Dock of the Bay -- This is the greatest song on the CD, actually, after Daedel's Organ (and maybe the FFIV music). Seriously, Otis Redding? Did you mean any of this?

Crazy on You -- Here's the thing: You might think that James Brown is the winner of emotion, or that Seal is, but they both lose to Heart. Nancy Wilson? That guitar? Your sister's voice? Also, whatever this song is about, I want it to happen to me. Because I don't think we're dealing with hyperbole -- I think we are dealing with literal crazy happening on some guy, and it's the preposition that got it done -- "on"? Not "for" or "with" or "into" -- so something's being done on this guy, or to this guy, and after that guitar work, the answer is yes.

Pump up the jams.

Today was my first race-- a 4 miler in Central Park. While the morning did not go according to plan (lots of unexpected craziness and bad weather upon arriving at the park), the race was intense. Having never run a race, much less one in which I was crunched up against people for the entire time, trying to pace myself was a bit of a shock to my system. Between dodging around slow runners and trying to jump out of the way of the runners trying to pass me, I was really uncertain of how well I was actually running. I at least didn't have to worry about being bored!

At the end of the race, I wasn't really tired, just more frustrated with the fact that I am definitely not fast. I am trying to accept (and appreciate) the fact that my body is not made for speed. It is made for endurance. Those fat deposits are great for the long runs. Not so much for the sprints. So good for the marathons. Not so much for the 4 milers in Central Park.

So after trying not to be discouraged for feeling sluggish during the race, the husband and I went out for a nice lunch and visited with my friend, Julia. When we got home this afternoon, we figured out how to check my official race results online. To my surprise, I found out that I had run the 4 miles in 34:18. That's a 8:34 min per mile pace. I am completely pleased with that. I run a steady pace of 9:05 on my short weekly runs and about 9:45 on my long weekend runs-- so 8:34 was a hefty shave off my expected time!

These results are a big boost for my confidence, and I definitely feel more motivated as I am entering into the last stages of my marathon training. Yay!

Now you're a hero.

Yay! We won! Now you try:

You Have to Burn the Rope


(Don't forget to listen to the entire song if you manage to win!)

So very, very close.

This afternoon, we went to lunch and the Blockbuster, hoping good food and a couple of trashy/good movies would mitigate the unrelenting garbagestorm that is New York weather. (At last count the cloud cover has destroyed 90% of the wife's soul.) We picked up Sabrina (the Han Solo version), Waitress, and a few others. It was good work.

Or was it?

See, as we were perusing Blockbuster's "Comedy" section, thinking that laughter is the best way to deal with the blargosity of the state in which we live, and we ran across this:



The title is 3 Ninjas: High Noon at Mega Mountain, and that truly is Hulk Hogan tearing through the cover. Of the 3 Ninjas movies available at Blockbuster, this one was checked out, meaning that somebody got to that shelf, saw the trilogy, and either

a) had seen all but this one, or

b) had seen them all, and knew that this was the best, or

c) had no idea that this movie existed and instantly knew it needed to be seen.

Because 3 Ninjas: High Noon at Mega Mountain has Hulk Hogan in it, as well as Loni Anderson and Ernest from Ernest Goes to Jail. And I know, I know -- it's supposed to be tongue-in-cheek and campy. It's not unintentionally funny like Teen Witch. It's one of those movies that wants to be unintentionally funny, maybe even intentionally funny, but it's just gonna go ahead and fail on all counts.

Or is it? You be the judge: the trailer awaits. Is it even worth the advertisement wait?

What about a little puma?

Try to find out the exact moment when you realize that you need to own these animals -- and also the exact moment when the animals eyes say, "I too little to get you now, but I grow up later and be big enough to eat your whole face." Because baby animals can't speak well.

Also, this song? Really?



What about tigers? And being tired?



Except the real get is here, when you see a cat being actually so very angry -- and the tiger cub is not even trying. It is just playing around.



Here you can really see the eyes that say, "I let you scratch my belly now, but I bite you later." Also, how is the woman who says, "They're like puppies!"? Do puppies grow up to bite your spine?



Anyway, this all started with our discovery of Owen and Mzee, the latter of which is roughly 130 years old and a giant tortoise, and who adopted Owen, a baby hippo. Because of course.

Ignoring that hippos are monsters, tortoises are the secret get of all animals. There doesn't appear to be a video of this story on YouTube, but there is this montage, set to a song that is not cliched at all in this context. Also, feelings.