Game, set, match: America.

I just got an email telling me about an attempt to leave a comment on one of the very first posts on this ridiculous little blog: the one about animals that are not real animals. Two comments, actually:

fluffybunny has left a new comment on your post "Animals that are not real animals.":

Yeah, pandas are not real all right. That's just a lot of hungry people chowing down on thousands of pounds of bamboo each year. They must really need their fiber or something. I mean talk about keeping a hoax going, they must have a real great fan base. It's amazing that they have had enough volunteers to walk around in panda suits for the last ohh.... 1,000 years or so. That right there is total committment. I mean it's a good thing stupid people like you are about one in a billion. I can't imagine what the world would be like if someone like you was running it.

Okay, then:

1) fluffybunny?
2) Are you kidding?

But he (she?) wasn't done. Almost immediately, he realized there was more I didn't know about pandas:

fluffybunny has left a new comment on your post "Animals that are not real animals.":

Yeah that's right. That there is just a person in a panda suit chowing down on some yummy bamboo. I mean they must really like bamboo, eating about 1,000 pounds a year to keep this hoax going. Talk about devotion. They must really need some serious fiber to be keeping up with this gig. Not to mention they are an icredibly loyal fanbase. To think that they have kept this thing going for ohh... what's it been like a thousand years or more. Let me tell you I can't believe the condition these suits are in. I mean they are like pristine. You'd think they would be hanging on by threads. The is just completely unbelievable that you have crack the case on this whole panda thing. Whoa talk about one smart cookie. Thank you for showing me the light on this one buddy.

Seriously? You got me.

Now, in my excitement over fluffybunny, I went to the post about animals and found four more comments from people who have never experienced irony. Here's the first gem:

kiki said...

what a dumbass mother fucking liar! i know that u dont like them and u ppl to shoot them!

February 26, 2008 9:07 PM

Wait -- I'm lying about the robot baby pandas and demon howler monkeys? In order to shoot them? I'm confused. Maybe the next one makes more sense:

kiki said...

U GUYS R A MOTHER FUCKING ASS IN THE VAGINA! FUCK U DICKS WITH SHIT I YO U VAGINAS!

February 26, 2008 9:08 PM

Yes! That one does make more sense! Also, what happened in that one minute, kiki? Did you re-read the post about animals that aren't real animals and decide that you'd had it with people calling pandas not-real? And you were by God going to let me know that I am an ass in the vagina. I can have no comeback to that.

Except that here is your blog and yes, you have done it. You have made all the dreams come true. Everyone's. Walking on Sunshine. Yes.

Next comment on the post:

lolnerds said...

stupid nerds....that panda cant be a person in a suit the eyes are too spread apart and the baby panda has no remote behind it....stop being jerks....i do agree with the fox or wolf or whatever cuz it looks like a statue....stupid idiots

February 26, 2008 11:16 PM

I like so much that it was the lack of remote that cleared up the baby panda for lolnerds. Almost as much as I like the agreement that the Tibetan fox is not real. Clearly, the baby panda is the not-realest. And the guy in the panda suit just has a hard time seeing through the eyes that are too spread apart; that's why pandas move around so infrequently. lolnerds! Come on!

Something else to say, lolnerds?

lolnerds said...

get a life

February 26, 2008 11:16 PM

I stand defeated. By America. And the Internet.