Ha ha ha.

I have been obsessed with Sarah Palin since she flounced into the limelight, and while I am just praying that some of the rumors are true (please let it be true), the hard realities have been ugly enough to make me happy.

Then there's this wonderful factoid. Hokey smokes, Palin. That better not be true.

This proves my theory that Alaska is full of idiots. And vampires.

Also, America? FAIL.

Excuse ME, Princess.

Someone made this. A human person made this. And 27,000 people have watched it. Because WHY WOULD YOU NOT.

Since I know nobody is going to make it to 2:04, here's your screenshot:



You're welcome. Also, 16 people gave this an average of almost five stars. Including me.

Plans for the weekend.

HowManyOfMe.com

There are 2 people with my name in the U.S.A. How many have your name?

I am going to hunt you down, Other Me. And it will be just like this:



Excuuuuuuuuuuse me, Princess. How did I never see this until now? I can't even make it through the whole thing, it's so amazing. My brain just shuts down with happy. All the things to see and hear are in this. All of them.

PS: I chose that episode because it's named "Doppelganger," by which I mean because it is the best episode. Of any show ever.

I got a crush on you.

I just want to live with you, Japan. I think we'd be so happy together.

Night on Fail Mountain.

Dear America,

I was serious when I said that I don't want to read about your politics anymore. I understand that you're retarded, okay? I didn't need to read this article about the Anti-Christ to know that. I really didn't need to glean from that article the fact that over 70 million of you have bought into the Left Behind series, the most super-retarded series of books ever published. Trust me on that one. I tried to read Twilight this summer, and it was a lot easier to get through the first few pages of derptastic tween vampire romance than the first few pages of derptastic fear-mongering. I mind-vomited through both attempts, so it was close, but you guys won it when you all graduated to live action and you slammed down a gauntlet shaped like Kirk Cameron's face:



Kirk Cameron is my second-favorite actor, because he is so good at making me believe that what is happening in front of him (and me) is really happening. My disbelief is expelled, sir.

Anyway, it's great to know that so many people are ready to point out the Anti-Christ for real. And that McCain's fail of irony is getting so much attention. He might have wanted to leave it to the super-retarded, but still. Good job, America.

Unfortunately, you got the wrong guy. The real Anti-Christ, as everybody knows, is my favorite actor, Sam Neill:



Gregory Peck was in The Omen, by the way. Believe that.

I hope you understand, America, that you are just like Satan at the end of The Omega Code 2. First, you're all hopped on cheap CGI and awesome ideas:



But then you get carried away, retarding it up like always:



That is totally how you are right now.

Advertising!

Over at Jezebel, there's a post about the new Ecko ad campaign. Check it out, because America's done it again. I can't wait to teach that in my course on Media Studies! It's so much better than the other ad campaigns out there. Just kidding! Peta is always putting on a clinic when it comes to advertising. They are your winners.

Or are they?! The real winners could take you to advertising school all the live-long day. Also to decency school, just in time for the Olympics.

I bet it is so awesome to be a woman in America right now! Great job, everybody!

President of the World.

Used to be I could wade through political blogs and news articles for hours. Now it just takes one Bob Cesca post and this video for me to throw up my hands (throw up in my hands?):



Seriously, now. You've lost your right to an individual opinion, America. If you're going to give that guy any traction, that's a whoops. And if you cast your votes for him, that's a whoops from me for shooting you in the face. Is this a secret test to determine who gets to stay in America/stay alive? So if you show up to the voting site and pick McCain, the secret police show up and say, "Congratulations, you epic failed!" and take you away? Please let it be so.

While I was thinking about it, I serendipitously found this:



My oh my.

1) Betty Boop needs to get some traction going in my life, that's for sure.
2) Mr. Nobody might be a smidgen racist.
3) I would totally vote for Mr. Nobody over Betty Boop, even with my unnatural feelings for Betty Boop.
4) I don't really have any unnatural feelings for Betty Boop.
5) These feelings are the most natural feelings in the world.

Additionally, the way the crowd boos in unison? Well. Also think about the ways in which Betty improves the country, including the Rube Goldberg machine that wakes up the weather reporter. I'm probably missing the humor. I'm slow. But I know that this cartoon is an example of how 1932 is better than now.

Also there's the guy in the electric chair, who is about to be executed at the 5:00 mark:


Normal brutal killer about to die

In Betty's perfect America, he's given a makeover instead:


Horrible child-murdering killer about to unleash a horrible murdering of childs on Betty Boop's America

I vote for Betty Boop's utopia, 2008 America. Thank you for your time, though.

I can't believe you, trowel. No one can.

Part 2
Part 1

You got it. You got it, mister.

This next song may seem unrelated, but it is, because it is related to everything I am doing right now.