Confusion abounds

I know that I already posted today, but I have something I really need to discuss.

Marcus and I read last year the Top 99 Women from AskMen.com. Just because we were bored. And why not take 20 min to point out how all these women who are supposed to be chosen for their intelligence, talent, and personality are actually chosen for two different characteristics. Characteristics which are extremely obvious in these photos. Characteristics which are basically falling out of the bikini tops they try to pass off as shirts. Every once in a while, you'll get a skeletor like Natalie Portman or Keira Knightley. But mostly, you have British glamour models -- aka "I'll take off my top for any reason"-- and Victoria's Secret lingerie models.

So, in the spirit of tradition, Marcus and I were glancing through this year's list. Nothing much had changed. You still have all the busty women you could ask for. All of whom are touted for being "talented" and "model-turned-actresses" after appearing in one or two terrible movies or television shows. So, imagine our surprise, when the number 1 woman of the year for 2008 was this mediocre, loud mouth, who isn't necessarily big-busted OR attractive. Just boring. And a chain-smoker.




Really? The most attractive woman in the world? Really? Hmmm...

Plus, as the cherry on top of the poop sundae, Kate Winslet wasn't even on the list this year. That is an absolute travesty. She has always been my ultimate woman, but watching her on Extras was a revelation for me. Are you telling me you would not want to spend every waking moment with this woman? I would. This scene comes after her conversation with the female extra about how to give good phone sex. This is her follow-up conversation which goes awry.

Now, I feel a little high.

After losing weight and getting in shape last semester, I decided to make my New Year's Resolution to run a marathon this year. So I couldn't flake out, in the second week of January I signed up and paid for the marathon in June in Lake Placid, NY. I am super psyched, but this idea of "training" does not particularly appeal to me.
I have never been much of a runner. I am more like this



than this



So today, I was scheduled to do my longest run -- five miles. To some people, that might not seem like a lot. But I have never run five miles in my life. Ever. I have never been chased by a cheetah or wild boar, so there has been no need for me to run for my survival. Luckily, one of the girls who works in our fitness center at school has taken a liking to me and met up with me this morning to work out together. Avi has been running for a long time, so she has a stockpile of knowledge that she shares with me when I ask. The gem I received today was the perfect last mile song.

For me, the first mile is killer. I struggle to get into the groove, and I have to wait until after the first mile for the adrenaline to kick in. The second and third miles are nice and breezy. I still have energy in my muscles, and it just feels like I am cruising along. During the fourth mile, I start to sweat profusely, and I can feel my cells beginning to fill with lactic acid. Today, my first fifth mile, I discovered a new hell which I did not know existed. I had to keep running because I knew that if I didn't make my foot move, I would faceplant into the treadmill. There would be no gradual slow down or gentle jog. I would smash to the floor. And that would be slightly embarrassing.

Avi knows that last mile struggle, and at about 4.4 miles, she found the remedy on her iPod and plugged it in to the weight room sound system. At top volume, she blasted "Defying Gravity," hopped on the treadmill next to me, and ran with me, waving her arms like a crazy person. It was one of the perfect moments of my life.

In case you are in the mood for a hamburger.

This is exactly what it is like working in a fast food restaurant. Including the dancing. And the sunglasses.

Like shooting puppies with a BB gun.

That's actually kind of disgusting right there.

So maybe dentist's don't have the highest suicide rate around, which is what I was told on my way out of school today. Still a strange profession. While I was being hurt on the dentist's chair today, I thought about how strange it would be to have conversations with patients the way they do. Snippets of information gleaned from incidental questions: "What grades do you teach?" or "Do you like the cold weather?" Getting answers around tubes, clamps, razor blades and whatever else he tortured me with today.

I am pretty excited about the weird eye-of-the-hurricane thing I've got going on right now. They had to juice me twice to numb the pain around the root of my tooth, so I can't feel anything in that general area of my face. Except for the pain in my tooth. That's pretty much still happening. So it's exactly like the eye of a hurricane, only not at all.

Have to go back for a permanent crown in two weeks. That'll be nice.

Between the dentist trips (four in one month after averaging just around zero for the last six years), the Regents grading, the essays that won't disappear no matter how hard I think at them, the blah blah blah... I have turned into a giant crybaby.

But not the awesome kind:



If only I had that spit curl. And Sam Giles' beard.

News

Josh and Heidi are having a baby! We are both so very excited with this news. This of course means I want a baby, but all Marcus wants is Sam Giles' beard.



He says its basically a toss-up between the two for him. Josh and Heidi are going to have such a pretty baby!


In other news, today was the first day of my internship. It went amazingly well. My supervisors and the director of the gallery were all supportive and encouraging. It looks like I will have a lot of responsibility as the development intern, but I will also be getting experience in many different areas of the gallery. Exciting news for next week-- Exit Art rents out its space for Fashion Week, which I will be helping out with. Sometimes I have to pinch myself when I realize that I actually work and go to school in New York. Fingers crossed that it keeps going well.

My classes start tomorrow. The biggest parts of my semester will be devoted to creating work for my senior show and my nonprofit business plan. Marcus is helping me articulate my ideas and compose a thesis for the exhibition in May. My first crit is in just a few short weeks, so I am going to have to get my rear in gear. I mean, I am not going to have to work at all because all my work is going to consist of poop in a can.

Movie review!

We watched Sunshine tonight, and here is our review:

Catherine found her perfect way to die, which is exploding in the center of the sun while creating a new star. Joy and warmth. And sunlight. It's actually all she wants.

I found a perfect feeling of imperfection. The movie was great, sure; it's pretty awesome-looking, and that was just the Human Torch! Ha ha ha!


No, seriously.

But where was Sam Neill?

I ask because I already saw this movie, only it was called Event Horizon, and it starred Sam Neill and Larry Fishburne. I don't think I need to tell you that Sam Neill is the greatest actor of this generation. Here's just a sample from his IMDB page:

Jurassic Park
Jurassic Park 3
Event Horizon

I know!

Anyway, Sunshine was the same movie as Event Horizon, only all dark instead of all light. And trying hard, where you could tell the actors had seen the script ahead of time. And no Sam Neill looking like this:


No, SERIOUSLY.

So, all in all, I'd give Event Horizon five stars.

You wouldn't understand.

I need this online so I can email Justin.



One day there will be an epic post about Rage here. That will probably be the day my wife leaves me for greener pastures.

Cloverfield!

The wife and I just got home from seeing Cloverfield, and while she left with only a headache (the camera is on crack for most of the movie), I left with joys in my heart. It's awesome. Since I've always loved monster movies, I couldn't believe what I was seeing.

The monster is fantastic. I don't know how to describe it, but it's a get.

The real get, though? The real star? Michael Giacchino. The movie is without a score until the credits (to uphold the "found footage" conceit), but Michael F. Giacchino got to write the "overture" for the end. And write he did. He packed a whole movie score into those seven minutes, and by "movie score," I mean "exploding movie score."

Here's the thing. As the overture (called "Roar!" of course) started, I told Cat, "This guy has played a few video games in his time." Click on that link up there, and here's what you find out: He started on video games. That's how he got to working with JJ Abrams.

So what you have there at the end of the movie is a video game soundtrack -- but not just a video game soundtrack. There's an opera woman going to town, a couple dozen timpanis, some oboes, some tubas, a couple of moments where I am positive that the entire orchestra is looking at a blank score and just making it up...

I'm serious when I say that even though the movie was outstanding, Mikey Giacchino's epic video game at the end is the winning moment. He's also never heard of Ennio Morricone, if you're into that kind of thing. Or specifically the video game Final Fantasy VIII, if that brass section is any indication.

Just an amazing afternoon all around.

Time to watch Friday Night Lights! It's the best show ever.


Oh, Tim Riggins. Are you made of feelings? Not like Michael Giacchino's music is!

Fire at will.

I've never been nostalgic...

...for Megalon!


Megalon has won. I repeat: Megalon has won.

For serious, though. Justin and I used to watch TNT's Monstervision at all hours of the night on weekends, so I've seen all of the old monster movies you could name. That's why we're going to see Cloverfield this Friday.

Well, not Justin and me. He's busy. In Nepal.

But Catherine is a good monster-movie date. For the screaming and wanting to leave! I will give her popcorn, and it will buy me some time.

Maybe you would like to imagine the feelings behind some of these designs:

Giant Monster Movies - Monster Index

But who won this round?


Manda? Like Amanda, the girl I was in love with for my entire childhood?

That is Falcor from The Neverending Story, only blue. See:



NEARLY IDENTICAL.

We need a good assassination.

I teach a semester course called Media Studies. We study the media. TV and stuff. This semester, I feel like I wasn't really hitting the mark, so I'm going to walk in at the end of this month to a set of fresh faces, turn off the lights, and show all of Newsies.



And that's it. I bet some smart aleck kid will say, "Do we have an assignment?" So I'll say, "I guess I wasn't clear. Let me try again." And then I'll show the whole movie again.

I just wish my sister had watched the movie every day when we were in high school. Then I might know that Pink Shirt can hit that note. And that Mush is the secret husband of the movie.

And about Spot Conlon.

Impure thoughts.

I know I said "till death do us part" and all, but have you seen this?



In my heart, I'm already cheating.

True story.

When I was in eighth grade, before we left good ol' Pulaski County for greener pastures, my circle of friends read American Psycho. Not, you know, in a Book Club or anything. Just one after the other. Despite -- since I read it first -- my warnings that it wasn't cool. Even to an eighth grader who would have been blown away by the graphic sex. Because in addition to the graphic sex was the, um, torture. The graphic torture.

So this is way funny:

I'll get there.

Every day in teaching is a fun adventure in sitting and standing. Sometimes I get to combine both in one action-packed period. And sometimes -- just sometimes -- I get to walk from one classroom to another classroom where I recommence sitting and/or standing.

Walking, sitting, standing. By the end of the day, I am exhausted! You might wonder, "Teaching sounds like lumberjacking, only you're probably more ripped than a lumberjack!" First of all, "lumberjacking" is not a word according to Blogger. Second of all, I am not ripped. Isn't that weird? I forgot to mention that I'm usually holding a book while I'm sitting and/or standing -- yet no ripping has occurred.

To take matters into my own hands, I am scouring YouTube for the right exercise video. Since I have something in the neighborhood of ten minutes free to exercise before getting back to grading and/or existential collapse, I need something condensed.

First question: How do I get the long lean legs I've always wanted? Also a British accent?

Second question: When it says "the level at which [I] feel comfortable," does that include the way the music and spandex decisions in 8-Minute Abs make me feel? Because that feeling is not comfort.

Third question: Not a question. Just an answer:



Paul Eugene, you dynamo. Why did you disable commenting? I have so much to tell you!

More like "Heavenga."

Why, yes, I will watch the new American Gladiators when it debuts. No, I don't have a TV. But I can watch it in my mind, because I have visited the website.

Would you like to learn about feelings and how to express them? Here is a helpful guide.

Step #1



Step #2



Step #3