Transcending history and the world, a tale of souls and swords eternally retold.

Only one person who might ever read my garbage contributions to this blog will get that reference.

And it is him:


I never had such an easy victory!

Today at 2:25, with the final bell of the school day still buzzing its insectoid menace in my ears1, I threw my belongings together and sprinted to my car. A few minutes later, I had beaten the buses to the main roads of the town where I teach. Soon enough, I was on the highway, singing along to a random song2.

I had a doctor's appointment at 3:20, you see, and assumed that if I opened the "I could get stuck behind a bus" window even a crack, all of the delinquents in the neighborhood would throw it wide open and clamber in, knapsacks open and ski masks on3. Then the delinquents would ransack my house, or car, leaving me stuck without home owner's insurance, or behind a bus.

So I sailed along. Right up until the state of New York shut down two of the three lanes of traffic on the Interstate. You know the one with all the cars trying to get somewhere on it? That one. And without the extra two lanes, everyone lost their minds.

I watched a man in a BMW repeatedly slam on the gas and then immediately the brakes while menacing4 a school bus. Full of children. He was literally within a few feet of the bumper each time that he hit the brakes, and each time he had to stop so suddenly that his entire body would jerk comically forward. But it's not his fault that he was so angry at this bus for being in his way. How dare it not drive into the car in front? And the next one? Until he could get where he needed to go? He was such a busy guy. So very, very busy. He had zero time to notice that the car he was almost hitting was full of children who would, I think, be upset when he died screaming and immolated in the twisted wreckage of running into the back of a steel machine four times the size of his car.

Anyway, I helped him out by flipping the kids off while yelling out the window5.

1. I have no idea what this means.
2. Or "Before He Cheats" by Whatshername.
3. I am losing this metaphor as we speak.
4. Like an insectoid buzzing!
5. Or singing "Before He Cheats."


Press and turn your signal to the right!

An hour later, I was late to the doctor and feeling blue. The check-up went fine, or it didn't; I forget, but I know that my throat hurts, and I need to have my tonsils removed at age 27. Do you know what that means?

If you want to know what that means, turn to the next post.
If you want to get away from me, click here.
If you want to explore the Cave of Time, turn to page 111.